Our own happiness comes with a price and if that price is our own kids, there is nothing worth losing them. After 3 weeks went away to his winter home for a long weekend. I know my mom would want me to be a part of my dads life but its so hard for me to accept it. for that reason , though I did not like the concept I was prepared to accept my dad having a new partner -shitty timing aside. After Mom She is perfectly capable of getting a job and providing for her own children. I really feel sorry for the women these men dateits really not so much about that particular woman, believe me, they dont need to feel special, these men are lonely and want someone with a PULSE. Im just not up to dealing with that yet. You will never trust your fathers love for you again. My dad does things with his new woman that he never would take the time to do with my mom. Murdaughs wife, Maggie, and son, Paul, were found fatally shot on the familys Islandton property on June 7, 2021. She isnt bad looking, but still She came to a fundraiser at the ELEMENTARY school that I work at wearing said mini dress and hopped out of my dads raised pickup truck.. have some decency please! Is it even on his? But I do agree the but family thing is just bs. I have accepted the situation( he lives at her home since about 3 months after they started dating)and his condo is for sale now), She is creating the need and doesnt like to be alone. For me I didnt like the idea of this woman but was prepared to accept her into my life. What Im also seeing, and what I feel about my own situation, is that, the bottom line is there is a lack of respect, sensitivity and compassion for those whove also lost that person by either both, or the dad or the new woman. Then he texted me the other day to go check out the house because he got informed by a neighbor that something was wrong, went them yesterday and what a mess, weeds everywhere . I felt at one point I could not cope. We have both tried to move very slowly in terms of being around them. My aunt, (my Dads sister) told him once that she would never be able to feel the same way towards Ellen that she felt towards my mom. Over the years, I worked through my grief over the loss of my mother and accepted my fathers marriage. I know way back in my high-school days my mom who acted as the girl in their relationship had an affair I was devastated but to cut the story short when my mom died may 2018 months after around Dec this woman named Cecil started showing up at first I was angry memories and anger that I felt way back came rushing back it was Christmas I didnt want to ruin my moms night I stayed quiet and understood she needed companion. Since he can no longer drive she holds all the power. So, she has no concept of what it is like to be a grandmother and quite frankly I hope she never has any biological grandchildren as she doesnt deserve to be a grandmother. How to get a good woman. It has been really helpful to read so many posts, as Ive never talked to anyone in the same situation as myself. He can have a lady friend. Anyone that knows me knows whenever you need something Im there for you I will do my best to help. My sister doesnt live here and takes my dads side cuz she didnt have to experience this like I did. Im trying not to blow up over this but her actions have made me so angry and my father knows that. NOW HE HAS TAKEN ALL THE MONIES OUT OF THE HOUSE MUM AND HE OWNED I have been loving. But guess what? Our 5 kids (ages 20, 21, 22, 23 and 25) have embraced this new life of ours with open arms. The following year I asked her not to do that as I did not want to put anyone to any trouble. Someone help me with this. I am now caught up on all the soap operas I have not watched since I left home and am familiar with all the talk show host and their guests. You do not wake up one day and say Oops Ive fallen in love. It is time for you accept that the lifestyle dad provided for you is gone. over grown bushes, stuff left out every where, the house has an HOA and he is on the board and house looks like crap. which is just so-true. The speed with which these relationships begin seem to be often at break-neck speed and you are wrong to say you cannot say how soon is too soon? If what I do causes distress to those around me then for that I am responsible. Shortly after that, he asked us if we would have our children call her grandma. I know, I stayed single so i never brought that step situation into the lives of my children. On behalf of the OP, thanks KilgoreTroutIsMyHero. She gets mad at him on every account. It was just weird, my Brother and I my son were only an hour away and he would not wait. Ive been through a lot in my life that i dont need the added drama. I didnt mean for this post to get so long theres a lot Im not even saying.. does anyone have any advice on how to get through to the most stubborn man in the world and help him see that the choices hes made have made things more difficult, and now he is only making it worse? Not once did she admit any wrong doing or remorse for her callusness or for disrespecting my mothers memory. She is actually very wrinkled even for her age although she is very fit indeed for her age. I feel very unwelcome there in fact have been there about three times since they married last sept. the whole situation makes me sick. Its all about her family and that is what hurts. I was born on Fathers Day, how can you forget completely. He insists on talking about this woman non-stop and wants our families (including several grandchildren aged 8 to 14) to spend time with her. This hurts on so many levels that I cant even begin to explain. Does she pay rent? The only person responsible for your happiness is you. The pain may fade but it will not go away. She has no children, she is an only child, and she does not really care about anything but herself, hence the term Marsha, Marsha, Marsha (The Brady bunch in 70s) .My Dad forgot my Brothers and my birthday, which is only and few days apart. He kept rattling on about being fair to heras if she were entitled to have me consider her my family. Good luck and goodbye Mother Dear! They are devastated. He only started dating after a few years (well, to what we know and thats fair in my eyes). I know it is 2017 now, and I too have lost my mother and have a 76 year old father who was comforted by a lady 10 years older than I and 10 younger than he, but no one can really understand the pain that comes in seeing your father with another woman after 55 years of marriage. In doing so, its damaged our relationship a little, but I love him and do not want him to be unhappy. I WAS SO RELIEVED!! He kept complaining that the food wanst ready soon enough, that it was taking too long, and kept telling everyone else that he had somewhere else to be. I have talked to a few of my Dads friends and they are worried. And though hes a grown man who can make his decisions, the kids still deserved some consideration. I found out that life wasnt over, that I could laugh again, that I could feel almost like the happy person that I have always been, and that it was a possibility that I could be in a happy relationship with someone else again. Sometimes it is very hard to be upbeat when you feel such dispair but give it your best shot. Right after my dads funeral, my group of friends from high school were sitting around me in the sun, making sure that I was being sufficiently hugged. Read a book, watch a movie, a ballgame, get online, visit a friend or family member. I strongly feel that like a teenager who gets his heart broken for the first time, he is clinging to someone TOO QUICKLY. Now, he is practically living with her. Bro has not been very supportive of me, so our relationship has suffered quite a bit. Trying to "solve" her problems for her didn't work. My mom has been dead for five years. I encouraged him to go? So why am I finding it so difficult? Death is sad no matter who weve lostthats why we all cry when Mufasa dies in The Lion King. When I asked if they were planning to marry I was told it was none of my business. After a year my sister got a call begging her to pick him up immediately as basically she was kicking him out. 7 Ways to Help a Parent Who Has Lost a Spouse He may feel he will win long term because you either accept her or lose him. She is helping us by taking care of him. WebAnswer (1 of 3): Well you can't bring him back , but be there for her, if she does irrational things support them, trauma is the hardest pill to swallow I know. I now had to take care of my moms mom who had dementia in her home while my dad is busy in the first stages of a love relationship right after my mom died in our house. The way she broke the news to me shocking, although I put two and two together before she actually told me. Legal Rights and Care for the Caregiver: Where Are They? They have withdrawn from their father and treat him like if he wasnt related to them, do not answer his calls, messages or emails. One room for 3 people, one of which being a baby is just not enough. After so many years we do not feel we can cut and run. Im the other woman in his life and as such, need to get over my mom and accept the GF because he loves her and is happy and my happiness does not matter hes the one who deserves to be happy, not me. Webmoving in with mom after dad diedgommone usato a roma oggi Remax Brindisi Ville In Vendita , Miglior Detersivo Lavatrice Ecologico , Primario Gastroenterologia Torrette Dont get me wrong. It was probably the peak of our relationshipnever had we been closer. Well he & Stepmother # 1 were married for 20 years when she passed away. I have tried to explain to Dad that I am not comfortable with this but he seems to not care. While my Mom was a real people person who would do anything for anyone this woman would avoid helping someone if she could. Now his girlfriend tells him all he wants to hear all while on top of all this being a covert b word only to me, leaving only my dishes (like one) that was mine while doing others, or locking the gate I come in so I have a problem or saying how she hated her own mom, never has she attempted to make me feel better or talk about my mom, I hate her more than anyone Ive ever hated before. I cant help but wonder why, in my case, someone who has known the WBF for many years and I was in a long-term relationship during that time would the AC not want their father to be happy in a relationship. I did not do anything wrong other than fall in love with their awesome dad. During this period I recommend that the complete family join a grieving group. He didnt tell any of us- he just did it. Good luck. Now I struggle with young boys who miss their mother, but desperately crave a mothers embrace. I typically visit Dad once a year and he does the same. Ill never forget Christmas morning, crying in her hospital room together. I have not felt more alive than when I stepped outside of mycomfort zone to do things I wouldn't have normally done. We all want that. It's really, devastating sadness that people grow old and suddenly at He says that if you grieve over someones death, it is because you are not right with God. My brother just thinks Im being selfish. I basically kicked her out of my home. Ive accepted that its okay to miss my dad deeply, and to be sorrowful that I didn't have a better relationship with him earlier in life. I felt willing it to her was a stupid decision on his part but there is nothing I can do about it. So Girlfriend, I guess no one can have any sympathy for you or take your message and somehow change the way we really feel because you need to have a companion in your old age. For a daughter, it is so traumatic to lose your mom and a daughter needs her dad more than ever to help with the healing & grieving process. She is very social and loved the friendships she made there and the daily opportunity to connect with others and the group activities offered. GQ I remind myself daily that he doesnt want to be alone and that he is insecure. Less then a year after she passed my dad had started going out lots and leaving me at home for hours. 1) mom was gone How dare anyone pass judgement on me? However, at one point he asked whether the potential new visiter was married. Loves his convertible and said to my sister that she wanted to take it to go see her daughter Ahh, can you imagine. You should talk to a local My sisters and I are not comfortable with this because it has become quite serious and it has also changed her personality. We can plan and think well know how well react, but life just happens to all of us. My Dad and I have never been close but Mom wanted us to mend the rift and after her death I stayed with Dad and helped with as much as I could before going back to my family. oh and forgot to mention when I first met her I googled her and found she had 3 DUIs already. Youve done nothing wrong - your mom is responsible for her own finances and you have every right to have your own space with your family. She used to put a book or bag over her face during family occasions to avoid having her photo taken. Some people says thats long enough but i dont feel that way. My mom passed away in February & the woman that came knocking at my front door was my moms first cousin. Well. I am not casting doubt on this woman or saying she is financially motivated. ET on Saturday and Sunday. He said he wanted to thank all us kids for all our help with my mom. I am surrounded by my mothers belongingsall the knick knacks she loved to look at, I now have a daughter who looks and acts just like my mother did, and I am having to cope with my father bringing another woman into the home he made with my mother. A catharsis for the frustrated moral philosopher in all of us, and a place to finally find out if you were wrong in an argument that's been bothering you. It went on for a bit. My Mother passed away Nov 2010 one month after passing my father emailed his girls and said he has meet a lady friend and would keep us posted..We at that time had been okay with it, at the same time upset we all new he couldnt be by him self he and my mother had been married 49 yearsAnyways on with the story Mother passed Nov 2010, lady friend moved into my parents home Jan 2011, engaged Oct 2011 and Married Aug 2012..How fast is that?? We bonded like we hadnt ever. Unfortunately my dad (47M) died in result of the pandemic in the end of 2020. How I struggle each and every day just to make it to bedtime and then get up and do it all over again, all while trying to be a good wife and mother. My struggle has always been how to care for someone who is so self-sufficient. Dad died, my older brother, and i am 26 years old family. I was not happy, them my Husband and I were going to dinner for out anniversary and brought her. They consider that he has destroyed the family and he has betrayed them because we are going to get married. I am also so happy to have found this conversation. He is making a bad choice because he is emotionally vulnerable- although I do not feel that is an excuse. But you get the gist of it all. He waschillingat hers today so couldnt even call in to see his grandaughter to congratulate her on exam results,says hel call her tomorrow. They consider that he has destroyed the family and he has betrayed them because we are going to get married. His wife passed away after a 3 4 year battle with Leukemia. I included her in many ways (program, introduction at the reception, invitation to have her hair and make up done with us, corsage), but explicitly told them months before that I didnt want her walking down the aisle because that was my moms place and leaving that empty was my way of including my mom in my wedding day. I FEEL I LOST MY DAD, I TRY TO STAY AWAY ,I POP IN SOMETIMES.THIS PHIPPLINE FAMILY IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN HIS OWN,I BELIEVE MY BROTHER IS THINKING OF HIS OWN RETIRMENT.I WISH I COULD JUST NOT FEEL SO GUILTY.I DONT WONT TO BE INVOLVED WITH THESE SNAKE IN THE GRASS.THANKYOU FOR READING THIS IM TRYING NOT TO BE ANGRY ,BUT MY DAD COULD DIE OVER THEIR .HE IS 80 YEARS OLD ,CANNOT GET INSURANCE,WE MIGHT GET IS ASHES????????????????????? What you are going through is understandably painful and confusing to you right now. Its almost like hes loving that he gets a new woman. This kills me. We have a very civil relationship with his wife. Grief is confusing and is not the same for everybody, and it is often very hard to talk it through just with your family members. They found out she had stage 4 pancreatic cancer and that she was near the end. Generations will suffer. It just takes work; maybe lots of work, but you can do it! The trip was uncomfortable. I told myself that I could never forgive myself if something happened to my father too.It worked somewhat in that I tried as hard as I could. When my best friend Sallys father passed away in 7th grade, I attended the funeral, and held her hand. In July 2009, my father-in-law began dating Irene and one month later, we found out that they were opening up another shop between the two of the them and were opening it the next day. My Mom was a Catholic and I knew upon her death that she would want the last rights and everyone to be there before she was taken off support. When my own father passed away in July 2018, after a seven year battle with multiple myeloma, a cancer of plasma cells, it shifted my notion of grief. Virginia I can really relate to a lot of what you wrote. Spoiler alert: studies show that he found out that this new york. This is why I feel guilty- because I want him to feel better. All bets were off when she was in the house organizing stuff. Everyone is going on with their lives, this hasnt stopped.. online dates have been had by middle daughter, engagement for youngest and motherhood for the oldest all 3 have lives they are still living, and my boyfriend is so happy and proud for all of them, he loves them all. It seems to me that the almost universal theme of these comments are how hard it is when other people make choices we dont have control over. I have dilema now.My husband died and His son never call or visit.Did not want anything to do with His father we never get explained why son who is 60 years old does not want to talk to father who was 90 years old and died. We dont get together on Easter. My sister and her family went to surprise them. I personally feel that people should have enough respect for others to let the family grieve without bringing a new situtation into the mix. After reading your post I felt like we were kindred sisters! So many of you have stories that resound with what is going on in my life right now. Dealing with my loss and almost like dealing with the loss of my father as well cause i feel like i never see him. Morally, she is culpable for her indifference to my sufferings but he permitted her to behave the way she did and does. I only visit their home when the AC is not home, but I hope to be able to build a relationship with the AC over the next few to several months. He just doesnt mention this womans name to us anymore. There is nothing as strong and pure as a mothers love for her children so take that thought and live the kind of life in your moms name that would reflect that truth. She still refuses to get a job and theyre struggling. ), and leaving pills everywhere-not in bottles but on countertops-Xanex, Valium, pain killers, appetite suppressants even though she told me she never takes any meds. Definitely this. I feel like it will NEVER get better. My dad told me after that he didnt want to hurt her feelings or for me to seem so mean and selfish so he told her to do it, not caring or considering how it would upset me as Im about to walk down the aisle on my wedding day. I dont think its unreasonable to need space. After speaking with a few family members, I found out that my mom did not like this cousin. Even if he broke up with this poor lady today, it will never take away the harm that it has already caused. All I can say is I am so glad that I came across this website. That being said, the tide turned. How do I cope with this? He and Mom were together for 35 years, so it had been a long time since he was alone. Thank you. Not 6 months later, my father introduced my brother and me to his 28-year old girlfriend and her two children. The house that he and my mom picked out before she got sick. SO anyway I dont know how to get over this feeling but am very thankful I am not the only one out there feeling that way. I am loving. This was after she told me she wrote a poem about her perfect man which included her preferring him to NOT having kids or if he did the would like her and they could be a family and he being financially well off and how once she found my dad she knew it was him. So now its November.. my dads house is in the process of being fully remodeled. Speaking of clothes, she has over 28 bathing suits that she has made. I understand totally how this young woman feels like an outcast. Even I never expected his woman friend would be so callous as to abdicate all responsibility after 35 years of being together. Their response is we are selfish and over-controlling for not allowing them to take the girls. I have lost my father, and she couldnt care less about anyone but herself. r/AskReddit is the place to ask and answer thought-provoking questions. She has tried to talk to me on the phone, but I have nothing to say to her because I do not like what she has done. Its totally ok if you find yourself bawling your eyes out 'for no reason' for the next few months (or even year or two). He had changed his will so Stepmother #2 can live in his house as long as she chooses to do so. Maybe some of the older folks here could offer a little wisdom. He cant go around the sadness or loneliness he feels. Please Open the Door and the path to a new relationship, to a new future together as a family. She has made Dad chose between his family and hers. So, I told him that were no longer a part of each others lives. Im done this is just too heart breaking for me and our family. My husband is an only child and we have no children ourselves. My mom died of cancer April 2013 and then this month, July 2014, my dad got a lady friend. If I was there I would give you a hug.Listening as you work things out is the best thing a friend could do. I believe that they are still grieving the loss of their mom but it seems like they cant find the way out of this stage of pain (need some counseling to find a way forward). Your email address will not be published. I will always love him and be there for him, but I dont know him and to be honest, I feel like I lost both parents when my mom died. Despite the fact that she tried to be affectionate at first, she has never called me to ask how I am doing or how my children are doing. When the weather permitted, Id meet her at the condo and wed go for a short walk and pick up coffee to sip while we walked. The time to have conversations like this is before anybody dies. But unbeknownst to me the D and the S 22 could not accept a new women in dads life. I would love to meet them and share in what should be joyful for him, he suffered such a loss too. It wasnt until years later that Sally revealed to me that I had focused so much on distracting her with impromptu dance parties, that I hadnt actually been there for her in the way that she truly needed. He still is helping me with money and will send me checks to help me pay for things since Im completely on my own now but the dad that I had growing up is pretty much gone. There have been other things, that have been bothering me from the beginning of this relationship but I will not get into detail it could lead into a story bookI respectful and pleasant and asked to do what Im always told to do..I know he is a man that can not be alone and my mother said the same thing to him on her death bedMy mothers words I know you can not be alone, but please do not marry a FLUSSY Well mom, if you are reading from the heavens above It went in one ear and out the other!! I think he had the new woman on the side waiting in the wings so to speak. He goes to dancing every Tues night.